My First Time on Skis: A Comedy of Errors (Featuring a Runaway Ski and a Very Patient Instructor)
My First Time on Skis: A Comedy of Errors (Featuring a Runaway Ski and a Very Patient Instructor)
They said skiing was like riding a bike. They lied. They lied SO hard.
After my recent obsession with watching ski videos on TikTok, I decided it was time to graduate from armchair athlete to actual snow bunny. Apparently, 42% of first-time skiers quit after their initial attempt – a statistic I was determined not to join. (Spoiler alert: I came close.)
The Arrival: Fake It Till You Make It (Or Fall)
Picture me strutting into the resort with the confidence of someone who definitely didn't spend the previous night Googling "how to put on ski boots." I was channeling my inner Olympic athlete, despite wearing rental gear that had definitely seen better decades.
Speaking of gear, remember that time I wrote about my epic camping gear failure? This was worse. So much worse.
The Great Equipment Debacle
Fun fact I learned while researching this sport: 90% of beginners put their boots on wrong the first time. I managed to do it wrong twice. In both boots. Achievement unlocked!
The conversation with the rental guy went something like this:
Me: "I totally know what I'm doing." Rental Guy: "Your boots are on the wrong feet." Me: "I meant to do that. It's... a style choice?" Rental Guy: long-suffering sigh
Standing Up Is Overrated
Remember how babies learn to walk? This was like that, but with more expensive equipment and way less dignity. My first attempt at standing resulted in what I can only describe as a spontaneous split, followed by an intimate meeting with the snow.
The Great Escape (Of My Ski)
Here's where things get interesting. Did you know that runaway skis are actually a common enough occurrence that there's protocol for it? Because I didn't! Until I watched in horror as my right ski decided to make a break for freedom down the bunny slope, taking out three traffic cones and nearly causing a small child to perfect their jump squat.
Enter The Hero: My Instructor
After witnessing my ski's bid for independence (and my subsequent attempt to army-crawl after it), my instructor – let's call him Saint Patrick – intervened. Much like that time I needed rescue during my first hot yoga class, I found myself requiring professional assistance.
Patrick, with the patience of someone who's definitely seen worse (though he politely refused to confirm this), showed me the basics:
• Pizza stance for stopping (though my version looked more like abstract art) • How to turn (intentionally, not just when falling) • How to get up after falling (my most-practiced skill)
The Sweet Taste Of Victory
By the end of the day, I managed to make it down the bunny slope without creating an international incident. Once. I'm counting it as a win, especially since I only skied backwards into the lodge that one time. (In my defense, nobody told me how to turn around.)
So, what was YOUR most embarrassing first-time moment? Please tell me I'm not alone in the 'accidentally skiing backwards into the lodge' club. Drop your story in the comments – bonus points if it involves runaway sporting equipment or confused instructors!
P.S. If you're thinking about trying skiing, maybe don't watch Olympic highlights the night before. It sets unrealistic expectations. Trust me on this one.
Want more tales of my outdoor adventures? Check out my complete guide to surviving winter sports (spoiler: hand warmers are your best friend).