My Gym Anxiety Diary: Why I Spent 20 Minutes Pretending to Stretch

My Gym Anxiety Diary: Why I Spent 20 Minutes Pretending to Stretch

I pay $50 a month to stretch in the corner and avoid eye contact. This is my gym story.

Look, I'm not proud of it, but according to recent research, I'm part of the 60% of gym-goers who feel completely intimidated working out for the first time. At least I"m not alone in my corner of shame, right?

The Entrance Courage Walking into a gym feels like walking into a high school cafeteria where everyone else got the memo about where to sit, what to wear, and how to exist. I spent 15 minutes in my car giving myself a pep talk, which is remarkably similar to my routine before attempting hot yoga. (Spoiler: both involve excessive sweating before the actual exercise begins.)

The Equipment Confusion Did you know that 32% of people feel intimidated working out next to fit people? Well, I'm here to tell you that 100% of me feels intimidated by the machines that look like medieval torture devices. I tried approaching what I thought was an elliptical but turned out to be something called a "rowing machine." I made eye contact with it and immediately retreated. We're not ready for that relationship.

The Stretching Sanctuary This is where I truly shine. I've perfected the art of looking busy while doing absolutely nothing. Fun fact: while I'm doing my fourth set of "hamstring stretches," research shows that exercise actually reduces anxiety symptoms. Ironic, isn't it? I'm anxious about the very thing that could help my anxiety. It's like rain on your wedding day, but sweatier.

The Weight Room Avoidance Remember when I was training to get in shape for ski season? Yeah, that plan involved weights. But I'm part of the 39% who find lifting weights intimidating. The weight room feels like a foreign country where I don't speak the language, and everyone else is fluently discussing their protein intake and PR goals.

The Small Victory After what felt like years (but was probably 45 minutes), I actually used a machine! A real one! Sure, it was just the treadmill, and yes, I pretended to debate whether morning or evening workouts were better while I figured out how to turn it on, but still. Progress!

Here's what I've learned: apparently, almost 90% of us are concerned about how others perceive us at the gym. Which means while I'm worried about looking stupid, everyone else is too busy worrying about themselves to notice my intimate relationship with the corner mat.

Fellow gym-anxious humans: What's your survival strategy? I need tips beyond 'hide by the water fountain.' (Though if that's working for you, I'm not judging. That water fountain has seen things.)

(I'm currently accepting applications for a gym buddy who's willing to pretend we know what we're doing together. Must be comfortable with excessive nervous laughter and spontaneous "let's check our phones" breaks.)