I Accidentally Liked My Ex's Photo from 2015: A Social Media Horror Story
I Accidentally Liked My Ex's Photo from 2015: A Social Media Horror Story
It was 2 AM. I was deep in the stalking hole. My thumb slipped. This is my story of digital disaster.
You know how they say nothing good happens after midnight? Apparently, 89% of social media "accidents" happen between 11 PM and 3 AM, which makes me feel slightly better about my life choices. But only slightly.
The Late-Night Scroll of Doom
Picture this: Me, wrapped in my favorite blanket (yes, the fuzzy one I impulse-bought at 3 AM), illuminated only by my phone screen, mindlessly scrolling through my ex's profile. We've all been there, right?
I recently discovered that the average person spends 48 minutes per day looking at their ex's social media. In my defense, I was merely contributing to science's statistical accuracy.
The Fatal Double-Tap
Remember when I face-planted in front of that cute ski instructor? This was worse. SO much worse.
My thumb, that treacherous appendage, did the unthinkable. It double-tapped a beach photo from 2015. 2015! That's practically archaeological in Instagram years. The photo in question? Him with his shirt off in Cabo, throwing up a peace sign. (I know, I know, I deserve what happened just for stalking that far back.)
The Great Unlike Attempt
Fun fact: It takes approximately 0.7 seconds for an Instagram like notification to reach someone's phone. I discovered this because I spent approximately 0.6 seconds screaming into my pillow before attempting damage control.
The process went something like this:
- Unlike (while hyperventilating)
- Throw phone across room
- Retrieve phone because what if he's online?
- Consider moving to Antarctica
- Google "how to fake your own death"
The Notification of Doom
Here's the thing about Instagram notifications - they're like that one friend who can't keep a secret. (Looking at you, Sarah.) Even if you unlike something, the notification still shows up. It just sits there, a digital tattletale of your 2 AM life choices.
The Blocking Aftermath
In a panic move that would make even my therapist wince, I blocked him. Then unblocked him. Then blocked him again. Because apparently, I'm a totally normal and well-adjusted adult who handles crisis situations with grace and dignity.
(Plot twist: He's now engaged to someone who probably doesn't stalk his Instagram at 2 AM. Good for him. Really. I'm fine.)
The Recovery Plan
After this incident, I've implemented some strict social media rules:
- No scrolling past 2022 (anything before that is forbidden territory)
- Phone goes into airplane mode after midnight
- Must be wearing glasses to prevent thumb slips
- No Instagram stalking without a designated support person on standby
So, what's your worst social media accident? Please tell me I'm not alone in the 'accidental like from 2015' club. Drop your horror stories below - I'll be hiding under my blanket, probably not stalking anyone's profile. (Definitely stalking someone's profile.)
P.S. If you're reading this, Jake from Cabo 2015... I was just admiring your... photography skills. Yeah, that's it. The composition was really something.